After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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