yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
