The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize