She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
