Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
