the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
