a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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