My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
