What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
