vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize