while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
