Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
