Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize