I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
