I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
