its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
