then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
