mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
