Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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