I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize