smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i came on her dog
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
