and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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