i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
