1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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