WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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