she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
