Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
