you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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