sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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