Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
