She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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