i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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