Are we in a gay sports bar?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
