the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
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I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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