I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
