I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
