all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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