I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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