i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
