Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
