Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
