I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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