i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
