pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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