You smell like stripper and shame
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
