she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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