So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
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I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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