shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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