You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
