pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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