great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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