Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
