Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The Olympian is in my bed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
