i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
