Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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