oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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