I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
