I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
