im about as happy as oj after his trial
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
