i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
