I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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