Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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