I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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