So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
