I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
