soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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