so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
