even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he was CRYING into my vagina
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
